Sicamous council seeks new ways to punish residents

Sicamous, BC – July 30th 2026

Sicamous council has proposed a draconian new wildlife management bylaw explicitly engineered to protect the personal business interests of council members. Critics argue the ordinance is a transparent velvet rope sting operation disguised as conservation.

Wildlife Attractant Bylaw No1080, was first read by council July 22nd 2026, after they were directed to prepare a wildlife attractant bylaw at the July 8th 2026 “committee of the whole meeting”. Delegations regarding wildlife conflicts have been presented to council in the past by locals with nothing better to do and conservation officers who don’t seem to understand that our small town is kinda right in the middle of the wilderness. There’s animals everywhere, of course they wonder into town every now and then.

The truth behind the proposed bylaw is much more sinister, targeting uncleaned barbeques, outdoor refrigerators, freezers, bird feeders, compost piles, gardens and fruit trees. Council aims to persecute anyone with a backyard garden or a proper spice cabinet cooking up delicious foods including local mobile food vendor Damm Good Eats. The owner/proprietor of Dam Good Eats was not available for comment.

Local resident Debbie Downer had this to say about the proposed bylaw:

“I think the bylaw is great cause i don’t want to have to watch my kids and when they get eaten by a bear its nice to know that i wont have to take responsibility for my actions. I can just blame my neighbors compost pile. Somebody’s gotta pay for my mistakes.”

In the contrary the guy who lives next door to me said:

“This is absolute bullshit! Everyone knows which council member cooks up the blandest food and this is a massive overreach in attempt to protect there shitty restaurant empire. They dont want to have to compete with my mouthwatering compost pile.”

Garbage expert Grouchy Oscar had this to add:

“Its all about money. Where there’s bears there’s bears, not a lot you can do about it when you live in the woods. Every single one of us is a walking Winnie Snack. If you don’t like it, you could, ya know, live somewhere not in the woods. Behind the scenes though someone has financial interest in getting residents behind curbside trash pick up. They want to tax you to get rid of your compost and then sell the dirt back to you at a premium for your illegal garden.”

Local shoppers were sure its was an attack orchestrated by the local grocery cartel.

“It never fails, every tourist season they jack up the prices. I can barely afford to eat. Now they want to come after me for having a garden and a plum tree? Everything in Sicamous is already so expensive. I have to work, I cant stand out there all day catching every plum that falls.”

Proposed fines for violations of the bylaw range from $100 to $500. A first offensive of denying the bylaw officer access to your backyard so they can snoop around would cost $500. Once he realizes your Barbeque smells likes a Barbeque you will also be on the hook for another $100 fine. Good luck getting the smell outta that thing.

The proposed bylaw is currently post first reading and is awaiting public engagement prior to council ushering the bylaw through the second and third reading.

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