Pick Up That Dead Crow In Your Yard

August 12th 2026

Sicamous BC – To the guy living down the road: yes, I am talking to you. We all see it. The entire neighborhood sees it. For seven straight days, a bundle of jet-black feathers has been melting into your ankle-high, weed-choked grass. It is not sleeping. It is not meditating. It is a dead crow, and it has officially overstayed its welcome.

Leaving a decaying bird in a yard that barely ever sees a lawnmower is a bold choice, but it is time to wrap up this backyard jungle experiment. Here is why you need to handle this today, and exactly how to do it without losing your morning coffee.

The Neighborhood is Watching Right now, your front yard looks like the opening scene of a low-budget post-apocalyptic movie with all the rail trail dust suspended in the air. nd the jungle-like conditions already make it the perfect hiding spot for hidden treasures, but this particular treasure is rotting.

Crows are famously intelligent, deeply social, and incredibly vengeful. By leaving their fallen comrade out in your overgrown elements, you are begging for a “murder” of fifty living crows to gather on your roof and scream at you for hours.

If the avian mafia doesn’t scare you, the local wildlife attractant bylaw should. You are currently running a free, all-you-can-eat buffet hidden safely in the tall weeds for neighborhood raccoons, stray cats, and bears. As fun as a midnight raccoon wrestling match over a bird carcass can be to watch you could face potential fines.

The 60-Second “Bag-Hand” Solution

You do not need a hazmat suit, a degree in biology, or a licensed exterminator to fix this. You do not even need to start up the mower you clearly avoid. You just need to conquer your fear, wade into the brush, and perform the classic “inverted bag” maneuver.Here is your step-by-step guide to freedom:

1. Find a heavy-duty trash bag. Do not use a cheap, see-through grocery bag unless you want to feel the structural reality of a week-old bird.

2. Put your hand inside the bag. Treat the bag like a giant, oversized oven mitt.

3. Commit to the scoop. Walk out there, look away if you must, grasp the bird firmly through the plastic, and pull the bag inside out.

4. Tie and toss. The crow is now safely trapped inside the bag without you ever making direct skin contact. Tie a double knot, hurl it into your outdoor trash bin, and slam the lid shut.

5. Sanitize. Wash your hands like you just touched a medieval plague vector.

Be the Hero of Sicamous

Look, we have all given up on expecting your yard to look like a golf course, but the “back to nature” aesthetic is really ruined by the actual crime scene hidden in the grass. It is bad enough that Council is already seeking new ways to punish us—let’s not hand them a biological warfare fine on a silver platter. Take sixty seconds out of your day, put a bag on your hand, pick it up, and throw it out. Your neighbors will thank you.

Editors Note: It is now September 5th 2026 and the crow is still there in the ditch. Well its kinda there. Its mostly just a set of wings, legs and a beak. Natures neat.

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